USAF Maintenance Reports

These are alledged to be some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews:

 Problem:  "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
 Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

 Problem:  "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
 Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."

 Problem #1:  "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."
 Solution #1: "#2 Propeller seepage normal."
 Problem #2:  "#1, #3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage."

 Problem:    "The autopilot doesn't."
 Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."

 Problem:  "Something loose in cockpit."
 Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

 Problem:  "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
 Solution: "Evidence removed."

 Problem:  "DME volume unbelievably loud."
 Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."

 Problem:  "Dead bugs on windshield."
 Solution: "Live bugs on order."

 Problem:  "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent."
 Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."

 Problem:  "IFF inoperative."
 Solution: "IFF always inoperative in OFF mode."

 Problem:  "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
 Solution: "That's what they're there for."

 Problem:  "Number three engine missing."
 Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."

 Problem: "Aircraft handles funny."
 Solution: "Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious."

 Problem: "Target radar hums."
 Solution: "Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics."

 Problem: "Mouse in cockpit."
 Solution: "Cat installed."

Courtesy of

Sergiu Hart's
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